Ex-Role Models

I can’t believe double-amputee Olympic and Paralympic sprinter Oscar Pistorius has been charged with murder in the shooting death of his girlfriend. (Also, that Nike ad above is real and unfortunate, though Pistorius’ web site took it down early Thursday.) So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe Dan Marino (pictured at left) had an affair with a CBS employee (not pictured) and fathered a love child, despite being married with six children at the time. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe Manti Te’o would fall victim to an online girlfriend “catfishing” hoax (during which he lied to his own father and in various media reports about meeting her in person), then go on to lie about this fake online girlfriend dying after he found out she never existed. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again. (Submitted by Matt)

I can’t believe Dora Ratjen finished fourth in the 1936 Olympics women’s high jump, but was later discovered to be a man. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe Boris Onishcenko used an illegally modified sword during the 1976 Olympics, thereby disqualifying himself and forcing the Soviet Union to withdraw from the fencing competition. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe Rosie Ruiz set the record in 1980 for fastest time for a female runner in the Boston Marathon, but later was found to have entered the race a half mile from the finish line. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe former NFL player Larry Johnson has been arrested five times since 2003 for violence against women, including an incident in October 2012 in which he was arrested on charges including strangulation. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe former MLB pitcher Sydney Ponson was arrested in two countries, once in Aruba for assaulting a judge and twice in the United States for drunken driving, then violated drug regulations while pitching in the 2009 World Baseball Classic and was banned from competing in the WBC for two years. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe former MLB pitching sensation Dwight “Doc” Gooden was arrested for fighting with Tampa police, was suspended multiple times for violating MLB’s drug abuse policy, was arrested for driving while intoxicated AND with an open container AND on a suspended license, was again arrested a few years later for punching his girlfriend after she threw a telephone at his head, and then committed a string of motor vehicle violations (most of which involved alcohol) including one where he was charged with DWI with a child in the vehicle. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe NFL wide receiver Chad Johnson (formerly Ochocinco) pleaded no contest to domestic battery charges after an argument with his wife during which he head-butted her. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe former MLB outfielder Darryl Strawberry (in a string of incidents spanning several years) failed to make child support payments, then was arrested multiple times for drugs, then was arrested at gunpoint for attempting to drive away from the scene of an accident he caused, and then left a drug treatment center to go do drugs with some woman, and then was charged with filing a false police report saying his vehicle had been stolen…doing about half of this while fighting cancer. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again.

I can’t believe Michael Vick was sued by a woman in 2005 for negligence and neglect. She alleged that Vick deliberately gave her Herpes Simplex II and that Vick had sought his own treatment for the virus under the alias”Ron Mexico.” They settled out of court. Of course, I really can’t believe that Vick would later be implicated in a much worse scandal (see below). So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again. (Submitted by Glenn)

I can’t believe that New Zealand bowls captain Gary Lawson threw a match against Thailand to secure a more favorable draw in the quarter-finals of the 2010 Asia Pacific Championships.  So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again. (Submitted by Neil)

I can’t believe Nero, Emperor of Rome, bribed Olympic officials in AD 67 in order to be able to race with a 10-horse team, only to be thrown from his chariot. While he did not finish the race, he was still proclaimed the winner on the grounds that he would have won had he been able to complete the race. So much for trusting sports figures. Won’t fall for that again. (Submitted by Kendra)